Point to point

Date: 27 May 2009
Time: 2143 hrs
Place: 313 Somerset, traffic light

(both) We're in the middle of a conversation and looking across the road to what used to be Orchard Emerald (which is now a big hole since they tore it down), waiting to cross the road, when a man in a suit and lugging two laptops comes up to us from behind us and asked where Orchard Point was. I pointed down the road, told him to go to where the OG sign is, and he went on his way.

Indian Expatriate Part 2

Date: 20 May 2009
Time: 1757 hrs
Place: Junction of Bencoolen and Middle Road

(both) We had just crossed the junction when an Indian lady came up from behind us and asked us where the NTUC was. We told her that the one that used to be at IOI Plaza but it's gone and we told her she could go to Rochor which is a bit of a walk and we told her that she could get groceries at Bugis or PoMo's Cold Storage. When we said the selection is limited because it is for people who don't cook she laughed, and she walked off in the direction of Bugis.

Indian Expatriate Part 1

Date: 20 May 2009
Time: 1755 hrs
Place: Junction of Bencoolen and Middle Road

(both) We were at the traffic junction waiting to go over to IOI Plaza, and we were looking at a Chinese sign on a lamp-post, when an Indian man came up to us from behind and asked us with an American accent, "Where is Sim Lim Square?" and we pointed him down towards LaSalle. He's probably going to get ripped off...

No chicken

Date: 10 May 2009
Time: 1108 hrs
Place: Killiney Kopitiam at PoMo (previously Paradiz Shopping Centre)

(both) We're eating laksa at the Killiney Kopitiam when a fifty-something grey haired lady in blue jeans bermudas and a black striped top, wearing pearl earrings, asked us if the laksa was any good. We said it was ok and she asked what were the ingredients. So we started listing the fish cake, cockles, bean sprouts, etc. and then she asked "Got chicken?" and we said no. Subsequently, she didn't buy it.

BYO Blur

Date: 03 May 2009
Time: 1335 hrs
Place: By the pool

(both) We're sitting at the poolside and minding our own business, reading a book or working on cross-stitch, when we heard a voice saying "Excuse me!" and we looked up and saw and Indian man with slicked back hair and a guitar, wearing t-shirt and jeans and carrying a bottle of wine, and he asked us how to get to the eleventh floor. So we asked him which tower and he said the unit number is 11-21 and we told him go to Tower C by going back to the lift lobby area and heading to the comm panel on the left to call his friends.

Mmmm skyscraper

Date: 28 Apr 2009
Time: 1830 hrs
Place: Springleaf Towers

I was talking to a friend (and fellow snowboarder) who I happened to bump into outside his office when a guy in a red football shirt and a red bag came up to me and asked where "M Hotel" was. I pointed him down the street and he went off.

Bank in the City

Date: 19 Mar 2009
Time: 1900 hrs
Place: Junction outside Bugis near National Library

A tall, bald Indian man with a slight American accent, wearing a white shirt and black pants and two laptop bags asked me "Where's the Citibank?" I told him there was a small branch in the Bugis MRT. He said that was supposed to be the meeting location where he would meet someone and thought the branch was at street level, and walked off briskly.

M for marriage celebration

Date: 05 Dec 2008
Time: 1931 hrs
Place: Tanjong Pagar MRT

I'm just walking into the Tanjong Pagar MRT entrance when an old couple, nicely dressed, walked towards me and asked where M Hotel was. They were carrying what probably was a wedding dinner invitation card. I directed them down the road in roughly the right direction.

The Office

Date: 05 Dec 2008
Time: 0928 hrs
Place: Sunshine Plaza

(sorf) Just turned the corner in the Sunshine Plaza Mall and was heading towards the door to the bus stop when I saw this Indian dude in his 40s coming towards the door. He was in a full suit with laptop slung over one shoulder. I opened the door and he asked me where the Sunshine Plaza Office building entrance was. I directed him to the corner where the office lobby was.

Why did the rude man cross the road?

Date: 21 Nov 2008
Time: 1651 hrs
Place: Bus stop in front of Lucky Plaza

(sorf) I'm waiting at the bus stop in front of Lucky Plaza and some middle aged Chinese man asks me how to get to other side of the road. I told him to go to traffic lights at Paragon. He was with 2 other Chinese men. They must be Singaporean. Didn't even thank me.

Long distance shopping

Date: 19 Nov 2008
Time: 1630 hrs
Place: In front of Fortune Centre

(sorf) It was raining and a Japanese lady asked how to walk to Plaza Singapura. It would have been too difficult to explain the directions so taking a taxi or the bus was suggested, and she was directed to the nearest taxi stand, which is at Bayview Hotel.

The Raffles family quest

Date: 17 Nov 2008
Time: 1050 hrs
Place: North Bridge Road near Bugis

(sorf) I just got stopped again! Youngish 20-something European (Italian?) girl with corkscrew curls, t-shirt, skirt and slippers and elderly parents approached me on the North Bridge Road side of Bugis Junction to ask where Raffles Hotel is. Told her on left side of road 2 traffic stops down.

The quest for Bugis

Date: 17 Nov 2008
Time: 1016 hrs
Place: Traffic junction outside Bugis Junction

(sorf) I am waiting at the traffic junction and a stylish 30-something woman with dry brown blonde hair, wearing a black shirt and capris, and holding the hand of a little boy, asked me in Chinese, "xiao jie ching wen ni bugis zai na li?" I pointed diagonally across

We don't live here

Date: 06 Nov 2008
Time: 1946 hrs
Place: Zhongshan MRT station, Taipei

(both) We were walking through the station, just ambling along with the crowd, when we were singled out by a woman in black t-shirt, hair in ponytail, asking in a slight mainland accent where the "Zhanqian" was. We said we don't live here. She went on to ask other strangers.

Misdirected Passengers

Date: 06 Nov 2008
Time: 0700 hrs
Place: Changi Airport

(both) First, we were hanging out at the duty free cosmetics shop looking at SK-II. Beng had just walked a little out of the shop when this skinny long haired Chinese girl asked where the "yan3" was. I didn't understand what she meant. She then had to gesture with her hand smoking. We directed her back towards where the alcohol shops were. (Later, she was spotted reaching for a carton of Marlboro Menthol lights)

Then, as we were just outside the gate, Sorf was waiting and a young Chinese lady came up to her and said, "Nihao, ni shi tai wan ren ma?" And she said "no, bu shi." Later she was spotted cornering two other guys. Then, as she was at the water cooler, digging for her vitamins, a middle aged lady came up to her in a striped shirt and asked "Nu ren de zai na li?" and she pointed her in the direction of the ladies. Finally, as Beng came out to the water cooler, he had to gesture to the button to teach a Chinese girl how to get the water running.

Melanin halloween

Date: 31 Oct 2008
Time: 2230 hrs
Place: The Bencoolen / Outside Sim Lim Square

I had finished my job up to Little India and was walking back, plugged in to a podcast on my ipod shuffle, when an old man with a large face and grey hair came up to me and asked if I were local. I said yes, and he asked me where the South East Asia hotel was. It sounded really familiar and it took me a while to remember exactly where it was as it is quite a hole in the wall hotel. But I pointed in the general direction across the road towards OG and he said that that's where they came from and that the taxi driver had dropped him and his friends off there. So we waited for the light to change so we could cross the road, me and four old men with trolley suitcases with a Johore-type accent. Of course, they ignored the light once the traffic thinned out a bit, so we ended up dashing across the rather wide road. As I was walking them over to the hotel the man asked me why I was exercising so late (it's cooler) and he told me that actually sunlight was good for Asians as it broke down bad cholesterol and that skin cancer only affected fair skinned people. He then told me that he was here to do some selling for his Cellfood MLM business and he passed me his name card with some Brunei address. We reached the hotel with its large cheesy neon sign and I wished him good luck.

Lady in Black

Date: 25 Sep 2008
Time: 1930 hrs
Place: Outside SRT, Mohd Sultan

Still standing outside the SRT when a small Mercedes SUV pulls up and an old lady in an elegant black dress alights and asked me where the Gallery Hotel was so I walked with her down to the corner to try to point out the hotel to her but we couldn't see it from there so I told her which direction to go generally (the Mohd Sultan Road stretch) and she got back into her car and drove off with the driver.

'opelessly lost

Date: 25 Sep 2008
Time: 1926 hrs
Place: Outside SRT, Mohd Sultan

I'm waiting outside SRT and just basically looking across the road when an Indian guy in a red short sleeved shirt and jeans, quite tall, and asks me "Excuse me where is Arrys? Arry?" and I realise after a while that he was talking about "Harry's" and I didn't know where exactly it was so I pointed him down towards the canal where most of the restaurants were and send him on his way.

A family that walks together...

Date: 21 Sep 2008
Time: 1520 hrs
Place: Across the road from Paradiz Shopping Centre, Selegie Road

I'm trying to cross the road at the Mr Bean when to my left this Indian lady comes up to me and asks me "Which way to Little India?" and it turns out she was with her husband and her son (I can just imagine both the men refusing to ask for directions) and they were all in jeans and t-shirt (she was with her cap backwards). So I told her to walk all the way down Selegie Road, and that they should reach the start of Little India. She asked where there were restaurants with Indian food and I asked her if she preferred North Indian or South Indian food and I told her for South Indian she could go to the Apollo Banana Leaf restaurant.

It's a MUJI!

Date: 18 Sep 2008
Time: 2105 hrs
Place: Plaza Singapura Xin Wang Hong Kong Cafe

(both) We're sitting having dinner after having watched a screening of "My Magic", when we start to notice these two girls at the nearby table gesticulating at us and talking quite excitedly, when we realise that they were discussing the portable bag hook that helps you hang your handbag over the table's edge that we were using. Finally one of them comes over to ask, in Mandarin, where we got it from and we told her we got it from Muji.

It's their money what

Date: 31 Aug 2008
Time: 1211 hrs
Place: Rochor NTUC

(both) This typical old uncle wearing white singlet and pants, white haired and bespectacled, was queueing up behind us at the NTUC. In front of us were these two Indian men. Out of the blue he mumbled something to us, something about it being very dangerous for those two Indian men to be carrying a thousand dollar note in cash. And then I said, in Hokkien, "it's their money what."

For a rainy day

Date: 24 Aug 2008
Time: 1405 hrs
Place: Middle Road

It's a rainy day and I'm just outside Prime Centre near the recycling bins when this 40ish guy in t-shirt and jeans walks up to me and says "Hello sir hello sir" and I didn't know what he meant, then he pointed at my paper bag which I was about to throw into the recycling and I gave it to him and he said thanks and walked off into the rain.

the dude of kent

Date: 02 Aug 2008
Time: 1323 hrs
Place: NUS

I was walking outside the Kent Ridge Guild Hall when a man in a blue car drove up to me to ask where the "Kent Ridge Hall" was. I told him I wasn't sure and he drove off.

Battery Auntie

Date: 12 Jul 2008
Time: 1105 hrs
Place: Just outside Carrefour Plaza Singapura

(both) We're outside Carrefour walking quite rapidly towards the taxi-stand and this hip auntie with loose spaghetti curls and make-up dashes up to us to intercept us and ask "Excuse me did you spend $25?" and apparently there is some offer for batteries if you spend above a certain amount. "Do you want to keep your receipt?" and we said yes.

Every mornin' shuttlin'

Date: 23 Jun 2008
Time: 1836 hrs
Place: Harbourfront

The Indian man who took the shuttle bus with me then asked me, "Can I take the same shuttle in the morning?" I told him, "Yes".

every day I'm shuttlin'

Date: 23 Jun 2008
Time: 1815 hrs
Place: Science Park II

I was plugged into my iPod minding my own business when an Indian guy with curly hair wearing a white shirt came up to me and asked "Where does the shuttle go? Can I take the bus?" I told him it went to Harbourfront.

The quay to the puzzle

Date: 02 Jun 2008
Time: 1504 hrs
Place: Near AIA building, Shenton Way

I was walking quite briskly with some friends towards Lau Pa Sat when along comes this rag-tag family, middle-aged mom and dad and teenage boy, quite dressed down and looking out of place downtown. The father was clutching a small piece of paper with the address "One Raffles Quay" and he asked me where it was. (I suspect that the wife probably got tired of walking around randomly and nudged him to ask for directions.) I told him that he should go down the nearest MRT entrance and walk around there as there were pretty obvious signs showing the way, and for good measure I waved in the general direction and set them on their way.

No. I've seen you before.

Date: 28 May 2008
Time: 0936 hrs
Place: Bayview Hotel

I had just crossed the street when this white-haired lady, in singlet and shorts, approaches me from behind and shouts at me, saying "Hello! Can give me one dollar!" I said no, I've seen you before, and she just walked away.

Shuttle bus vamoose

Date: 18 May 2008
Time: 1900 hrs
Place: Grand Copthorne

I was asked by an Indian lady in a blue sari. I was walking quite far from her, about 5 meters away, and she called me over, and she had a piece of paper with the hotel shuttle time table which she couldn't quite read (perhaps she was long-sighted?) I told her the next shuttle would be twenty minutes later at 1915.

I'm still not Rachel!

Date: 15 May 2008
Time: 1528 hrs
Place: The Factory

(sorf) And another skinny Chinese dude in glasses asking for directions to Kam Hoe's desk in Chinese. Argh

I'm not Rachel!

Date: 15 May 2008
Time: 1111 hrs
Place: The Factory

(sorf) And again some bearded guy leaned on the counter to interrupt me typing madly and said "I'm looking for Rachel." I'm so tempted to say "I'm not Rachel and what the heck do I care?!"

Human signboard

Date: 12 May 2008
Time: 1210 hrs
Place: The Factory

(sorf) Ok i'm typing, looking madly busy, and some middle aged woman comes up to me and asks, "hi can you help me I'm looking for Sumiko". !

Delivery in progress...

Date: 6 May 2008
Time: 1712 hrs
Place: The Factory

(sorf) Some middle aged delivery man with gap tooth just swanned up and went "'scuse where's Asiah?" I said over there waving a hand and he never even say thank you!

Walking into a trap

Date: 04 May 2008
Time: 1243 hrs
Place: Bugis Junction junction

(both) We're standing at the traffic light, debating the architectural merits of the old Nafa building / church, waiting for the light to change, when from behind (it's always from behind!) this Caucasian woman, from a pack of 7 or 8 fat middle-aged tourists, all looking very sunburnt, asking "Excuse me where's Bugis Street?" So we pointed her in the direction and we then asked them why they wanted to go there. She said she wanted to get lunch. We then counter-suggested eating at the Bugis Junction basement where it's cooler and there are more choices for food. We might have helped them avert a tourist trap. Unfortunately, as we left, we saw them walking in the direction towards the Bugis Street traffic light.

Time to get a watch!

Date: 03 May 2008
Time: 1450 hrs
Place: Cathay

I was walking outside Cathay from Carrefour carrying rice and a bottle of Ribena, obviously plugged in to my iPod. She was walking on my right, probably a tourist. wearing a black t-shirt and jeans, grey sweater around her waist, and camouflage slippers, carrying some books in an "IXIZ" shopping bag and a big black handbag, probably Indonesian, thirty something. She asked me what time it was. I told her it's 2.50 and she said thank you and we went on to walk in the same direction for a while.

Resultant confusion

Date: 01 May 2008
Time: 1420 hrs
Place: The Factory

I was on my way out of the building at the lobby when this forty-something year old auntie asked me where the Straits Times was and started going on about how she had a meeting about the PSLE results. I told her to head for the lift but also confessed that I did not work there and so she walked off to bother some other person.

Lifted

Date: 22 Apr 2008
Time: 2037 hrs
Place: Across the road from St. Regis

I'm standing at the bus stop when an Indian man in blue overalls approaches me from behind and asks where the Hilton is. I told him to go down the road and turn left. I then noticed that his overalls had the word "Otis" on them. I suppose he was repairing the elevators at the Hilton and got lost? He walked off to his white scooter that was parked just a few meters behind me at the side of the road and rode off.

Lost in sakura mania

Date: 30 Mar 08
Time: 1128 hrs (Tokyo time)
Place: Ueno Park, Tokyo

(both) We are standing in front of a map in Ueno Park and it's the first Sunday since the cherry blossoms have opened and so the park is packed with locals and tourists. We're trying to figure out how to get to a restaurant specialising in eel for lunch. From behind us, an Indian man asks us, "How do you get to the water?" and pointed to the map where the small lake was. So we told him to follow the main path where the cherry blossoms were and at the end of the road would be the lake.

Singapore Slinging

Date: 03 Mar 2008
Time: 1508 hrs
Place: Raffles Place MRT

(sorf) Stuck in the rain at Raffles Place and a chubby, short, blonde American woman tourist asked me where Raffles Hotel was. I told her she should have gone to the City Hall stop instead.

Cookie cutter answer

Date: 01 Mar 2008
Time: 1502 hrs
Place: Isetan Scotts

(both) We'd just purchased Le Creuset pots and were wandering about looking at kitchen gadgets when we saw a little flower shaped vegetable cutter when an Indian lady behind us in a pink sari asks "oh you use this to cut cookies right?" and we said, no, you use this to cut vegetables and make canapes.

Prepositioned

Date: 20 Feb 2008
Time: 2135 hrs
Place: National Library (corner of Victoria Street and Middle Road)

(both) It took him a while to get the sentence right because he was rearranging the prepositions. "Excusemesir, excusemesir, which is the way we are getting to... which is the way to get to... to walk... how do we get to Mustafa?" So we told him walk down three junctions, turn right at Selegie and walk up Serangoon Road, at which point he recognised "oh! Serangoon Road" and went on his way.

He was an Indian dude, quite young, quite chubby, approaching us from behind. He was with a friend in a white t-shirt and jeans.

Just a hunch...

Date: 30 Jan 2008
Time: 1533 hrs
Place: The Factory

(sorf) A slender woman with a ponytail accosted me in front of my cubicle to ask where Hun Ching was sitting. I turned around and pointed behind me and said "She's right here!"

The elusive Dhoby

Date: 29 Jan 2008
Time: 2251 hrs
Place: Outside National Museum Singapore

(sorf) A 20-something year old guy in a black t-shirt and pants interrupted me as I was sms-ing and crossing the road in front of the museum. He asked me in Chinese, "Excuse me, where's Dhoby Ghaut station?"

Top up

Date: 20 Jan 2008
Time: 1724 hrs
Place: Shop'n'Save (Boon Keng)

(sorf) A little old lady in a red shirt came up to me in Shop'n'Save to ask me how much groceries I'm buying because she wants to top up to $15 and get the sticker.

Post haste

Date: 20 Jan 2008
Time: 1415 hrs
Place: Junction of Victoria Street and Bras Basah Road

(sorf) Middle aged chinese guy in blue bermudas and checked blue shirt stopped me at the junction to ask where the Bras Basah Post Office is.

Stereoscopic spectacular

Date: 19 Jan 2008
Time: 1313 hrs
Place: Funan Center

(both) We are sitting at the Funan Center taxi stand opposite the fire station, waiting to pass a newly-bought laser printer to our friend who was going to drive over. A nice slender lady wearing a tudung, colourful blouse and jeans, who had been sitting there with us for a while, asked us whether Sim Lim Square was bigger than Funan. I think she's from Dubai - she's got an interesting accent. We told her yes, there are more shops there, but that to be careful because they tend to try to rip tourists off there. Then she shared that she had been asking at the Funan shops one by one, looking for stereoscopic 3d glasses, that her friend said he bought 6 months ago while he was working a stint here. She asked us what time the shops at Sim Lim close and we told her they close about 7 or 8.

North and South

Date: 10 Jan 2008
Time: 1833 hrs
Place: Braddell MRT Station

(sorf) Some middle aged guy with a bowl hair cut wearing a lime green t-shirt and grey shorts accosted me at the MRT door at Braddell saying "Excuse me this go to Toa Payoh?"

The threads that bind us

Date: 20 Dec 2007
Time: 1532 hrs
Place: Plaza Singapura Spotlight

(sorf) Got asked about thread at the DMC counter by a woman with a Chinese accent.

The long and short of it

Date: 16 Dec 2007
Time: 1027 hrs
Place: Downstairs from the block

(both) We're downstairs at the carpark walking in when this auntie with a red flowery shirt and red lipstick and henna-ed hair, asking, "xiao jie, where's the market?" and pointing one way then another. In fact, both routes would have worked, but we set her off in the direction that was shorter.

It's on the map

Date: 04 Dec 2007
Time: 1014 hrs
Place: Bus stop at corner of Bencoolen and Bras Basah

I'm sitting and reading my book at the bus stop waiting for the bus when a bunch of Korean tourists (two ladies and a little girl) ran up to me and asked me where Dhoby Ghaut MRT was. I told them to walk down the road and follow the curve and the MRT entrance was there. The interesting thing was that she had written "Dhoby Ghaut MRT" on her tourist map. Not that it helped her find the place...

Water tight

Date: 30 Oct 2007
Time: 1758 hrs
Place: Raffles Place MRT

I'm at the 7-11 store inside Raffles Place MRT when a lady holding a file and a red handbag, wearing red top and jeans, asked me to help her open a bottle of mineral water. It was quite tight. I had to use my handkerchief for grip.

From the golden shoe or the bay?

Date: 11 Oct 2007
Time: 1634 hrs
Place: Esplanade bus stop

(sorf) Small teenaged girl in pink tank top and jeans asked me whether bus 162 comes to the bus stop and if it's from Shenton Way or Marina. I was plugged into the iPod and there were tons of other people around.

Citiblanket

Date: 10 Oct 2007
Time: 1455 hrs
Place: near Isetan Scotts

(sorf) Got stopped by a Citibank promoter. They're everywhere!

Live office directory

Date: 9 Oct 2007
Time: 1400 hrs
Place: The office

(sorf) Two girls asked me where two of my colleagues sit.

Auntie hunts for bargain

Date: 29 Sep 2007
Time: 1229 hrs
Place: BHG at Bugis

(both) We were near the escalators at BHG when an auntie wearing a brown t-shirt asking "Miss, do you know where they sell the eating utensils?" and we told her that it was outside the departmental store because they moved (which is why she couldn't find it walking around).

The time for politeness is now!

Date: 20 Jul 2007
Time: 1803 hrs
Place: Harbourfront MRT Station entrance

I was just about to enter the cavernous stairwell that leads down to the Harbourfront MRT station when a 20-something Malay man, dressed in a red cap, brown t-shirt, jeans and slippers, and staring out of the window towards at the cars passing by on the road, approached me and asked me very politely, "Excuse me sir, what is the time?"

As if to reinforce the point of his lack of timekeeping equipment, he showed me a very bare forearm. I looked at my watch very deliberately and said "6.03" and he said "Thank you", and turned around and continued to look at the road, waiting.

Try the hor fun for fun...

Date: 2 Aug 2007
Time: 1244 hrs
Place: The Factory's canteen

(sorf) In the queue at the canteen and an auntie behind me asks what's good to eat so I said the fish slices hor fun.

You mean those spikes ain't the GPS antenna?

Date: 2 Aug 2007
Time: 1200 hrs
Place: The Factory

(sorf) At my desk and plugged in to my iPod and some guy with spiky gelled hair comes up from behind to ask where Sandra sits.

Bamboo shmamboo

Date: 29 July 2007
Time: 1920 hrs
Place: Carrefour, Plaza Singapura

(sorf) I'm taking a pack of herbs off the rack and a 40-something guy in a polo t-shirt and shorts asked me what it was. Had to say I don't know but it's something my mom uses in herbal chicken soup. Think it's bamboo...

Government within walking distance

Date: 19 July 2007
Time: 1523 hrs
Place: Suntec City bus stop

(sorf) A very well dressed lady with big sunglasses, big hair and paisley shawl asked me at the Suntec City bus stop if bus 36 goes to City Hall. I said I wasn't sure and that you could walk to City Hall. She said she's changing buses.

Follow the 'O'

Date: 17 July 2007
Time: 2019 hrs
Place: Banquet food court, Selegie

(sorf) We had just come home from up north with a load of donuts for our donut-crazed friend. One of the students from the next table at the food court came over to ask where we got the Dunkin' Donuts from. The really should bring it back!

No wonder our cabbies are always nowhere to be found

Date: 17 July 2007
Time: 0932 hrs
Place: Bencoolen Street

Say you are a visitor from another country. You don't know the roads. So you do the smart thing -- you get a card from the hotel with a map so that you can show this to the cab driver and he can bring you to the right place. Isn't this the minimum you could expect?

A taxi pulled up to me (I was waving trying to get one myself), and there was a very confused looking auntie sitting behind with her daughter. She had said card with said map and still the driver asked me where the hotel Strand was. How useless can a cabbie be?

I told him that he was on the wrong street and that Victoria Street was the next one over.

The bus journey to the centre of the Orchard Road

Date: 29 Jun 2007
Time: 2136 hrs
Place: Orchard Road bus stop

(both) We were at the bus stop in front of the Thai Embassy. The bus 106 came, and sorf ran up, but I was stuck behind because I was trying to help a forty-something year old man, wearing blue t-shirt and bermudas, at the bus guide panel, trying to figure out which bus he could take to Centrepoint. When I realised sorf had disappeared, I quickly apologised to the man that I had to leave. Turns out that 106 was just the bus he needed, so he got on right after me.

Suddenly, a maid

Date: 19 Jun 2007
Time: 1951 hrs
Place: Some carpark in Yishun

It's dark as hell, I'm walking home and a maid appeared in front of me out of thin air. Well I think she's a maid. She was wearing grey bermudas and slippers. She asked me where the 7-Eleven was. I pointed her to the nearest 7-Eleven (I think) which was near the bus interchange, giving her directions to cross the road.

Girl from China needs change now!

Date: 11 Jun 2007
Time: 1638 hrs
Place: On a bus near Paragon

(sorf) Some China girl just asked to break a $10 note on the bus.

All this waiting makes one crave coffee

Date: 29 May 2007
Time: 1010 hrs
Place: Bus stop outside Hotel Rendezvous

I am reading the bus services guide to figure out which bus I could take when this short man wearing a batik shirt and grey pants, and a briefcase, sitting on the bench with a young man (his son?) decked out in hip-hop gear (sports jersey and backwards cap), spins around and asks me whether he could pay for the bus using cash because he didn't have an Ez-Link card. I told him that yes, the busses still took cash, and pointed to the box on one of the busses that just stopped where he is supposed to put in the cash, instead of handing it to the driver which he thought was the procedure. I then helped him figure out that it cost $1.70 for him to get to the airport. After a while, bus 36 came, I pointed to it but he had gotten up to walk off with his son, saying that they were going to a cafe to get coffee first.

Ten years

Date: 18 May 2007
Time: 1554 hrs
Place: Tanjong Pagar MRT Station Platform

There I was standing with my head pointed up, neck craned, watching the video they keep playing on a loop, teaching people how to look out for terrorists. I call it the "excuse me sir you've forgotten your bag" video. Without prior warning, this petite auntie, wearing a black sweater and and jeans, just came up to me and asked how to get to Toa Payoh MRT. Well, actually, she already knew, she was just confirming that she needed to transfer trains at Raffles Place to take the train up north. Then she proceeded to confess to me that she had not lived in Singapore for about ten years and that she found it very confusing now. I told her that she was right, and told her it was seven stops to Toa Payoh, then she went back to who I suppose is her daughter, wearing a pink tank top and pink Crocs, maybe 8 or 9, and probably her older sister, an auntie with big hair and a green dress (inappropriately short for her age) and heels, looking about fifty something years old, with a smirk of arrogance on her face.

Most of our Murtabak must have the mosque at the Mustafa

Date: 5 May 2007
Time: 1823 hrs
Place: Just outside TCC at NAFA

(both) We were rushing over to Bras Basah Complex to the Vintage Framemakers shop to collect the freshly framed Japanese lady cross-stitch (which, by the way, turned out really nice). They were closing at 6.30 so we were walking with much purpose. That did not stop an Indian man, wearing a strange combination of a small white hat that looked like a songkok, a blue Catholic Junior College t-shirt and pants and slippers, rapidly approached us and starting saying "moustaba moustaba, planet moustaba". At first I thought he wanted to get to a mosque, so I pointed him down Bencoolen Street towards the mosque, but it didn't seem right to him. I then realised he might be saying Mustafa Plaza, asked him "Mustafa?" and he said "yes, moustaba", so then I pointed him somewhat diagonally towards Selegie Road, though now on hindsight that's a long distance to walk.

At least this time he approached us from the front.

Locally rude

Date: 3 May 2007
Time: 0945 hrs
Place: Sunshine Plaza

(sorf) Just got asked directions in the mall. Indian dude in jeans and red t-shirt looking very harassed just abruptly said to me "Where's the lift ah?" I asked him where he wanted to go and he said "6th floor", then I asked, "office or condo?" Directed him to office lobby and he stalked off with younger Indian man in tow. Didn't even thank me... Think the foreigners are right. Singaporeans are quite rude.

Walking with Barons

Date: 07 Apr 2007
Time: 1604 hrs
Place: Outside Sunshine Plaza

I'm looking away, down the road towards the prata shops, and almost twenty people were waiting to cross the street with me. An Asian dude, wearing three-quarter camouflage pants and a backpack, asked me which way Orchard Road was, with what I think was an Australian accent. Maybe he was a little drunk to be wanting to talk to the back of my head. But I turned around and told him which way to go. He then asked me if it was illegal to walk around with an open can of beer in his hand. I told him no, there's no law against it in Singapore (I think so). And he went off on his way.

But it's a nice place with lots of books...

Date: 15 Mar 2007
Time: 0930 hrs
Place: Outside Sunshine Plaza

She approached me around the corner, almost ambushed me, with young daughter in tow. She was wearing t-shirt and jeans and she asked me where Bugis MRT was. I told her to head towards the library. She said she didn't know where the library was, that she was a foreigner. So I set her off in the general direction.

Centre for Handling Stuff

Date: 13 Mar 2007
Time: 0922 hrs
Place: International Plaza

I had just gotten off a taxi when this Chinese man, looking much like a labourer immigrant, asks me where "Gao Wu Zhong Xin" was. I had no idea what place he was referring to, and even asking him to describe what he needed to be there for was somewhat futile. It seemed that he was late. I pointed him down the general direction towards where I thought the Ministry of Manpower was and he walked away with a frown.

It's all pork to me

Date: 07 Mar 2007
Time: 1125 hrs
Place: Carrefour Plaza Singapura

(sorf) At the meat counter, an auntie asked me which one is "ba tao". I didn't know. Asked her which part of the pig and she said she didn't know. She said she didn't want fat so I pointed out the lean hind to her and she was very happy.

Polite but lost

Date: 02 Mar 2007
Time: 1651 hrs
Place: Near Tanjong Pagar MRT

A guy wearing t-shirt and jeans asked me, "Sir, where is the MRT?"

Looking for the mechanical cai shen

Date: 25 Feb 2007
Time: 1939 hrs
Place: Upper Boon Keng

(sorf) Just outside the 7-Eleven, a young guy in glasses and black t-shirt and jeans, with his girlfriend, asked in Mandarin whether there was a POSB or DBS ATM nearby. Told him it was at the end of the block and to the left.

Spa-stic

Date: 07 Feb 2007
Time:1140 hrs
Place: Cricket Club

(sorf) I was standing at the traffic light waiting to cross over to the Cricket Club when a lady (long hair, glasses, spoke with a China accent) approached me from behind and she showed me a print out of Spacademy's address: 2 Stamford Road. So I said I wasn't sure but we were standing on Stamford Road so I pointed her down towards the Capitol Building. Midway through our conversation this kaypoh senior citizen male interrupted and asked "Are you looking for some place?". He didn't know where it was either.

Test results

Date: 24 Jan 2007
Time: 1100 hrs
Place: IOI Plaza

I had just crossed Middle Road to IOI Plaza when a middle aged balding man asked me in Mandarin, where is 30 Kelantan Road? He was showing me the address on a piece of paper that looked like it was some kind of test results slip for a medical checkup. I gave him the rough directions (he seemed to know the place as "dan shui jie" or ordinary water street?) and he went off.

Nobody loves you when you're down and out

Date: 23 Jan 2007
Time: 1123 hrs
Place: Lift lobby at home

(sorf) Two guys in the lift lobby just asked me which way is out.

Boo-jees

Date: 13 Jan 2007
Time: 1546 hrs
Place: corner of Bencoolen Street and Middle Road

(both) This tall Caucasian was gazing befuddledly at his map and he asked us where Queen Street was. We asked him where he wanted to go, and he said Bugis except he thought it was pronounced "Boo-jees". We pointed him the right way (towards the Library) and sent him on his way.

Sim Lim Forest

Date: 10 Jan 2007
Time: 1408 hrs
Place: SMU, outside School of Economics

(sorf) Two Asian guys (don't know where they are from because they have a funny accent) stopped me outside the School of Economics to ask where Sim Lim is. One dude was in a white shirt and black pants and the other dude was in a black shirt and blue pants. I sort of waved in the general direction of the electronics heaven and told them that it was quite far, about a ten to fifteen minute walk. And they thanked me and walked away in the direction of Hotel Rendezvous.

Do you speak Ikea?

Date: 28 Dec 2006
Time: 1730 hrs
Place: Ikea Tampines

This new Ikea is turning out to be really popular and the queues at the restaurant are just amazing. I just stepped in to get some coffee and cake when a little girl wearing pink and a tartan skirt and pink Crocs asked if she could speak Chinese. It took me a while to understand that she meant if I could understand Chinese. I said I could and she then asked me, in Chinese, to help her reach for the cup that was on the rack. And as I reached for it the young Malay Ikea employee tipped it out and I passed it to her.

She should stay away from toe-eating escalators while wearing those pirated Crocs.

Nursing the media industry

Date: 18 Dec 2006
Time: 1827 hrs
Place: Novena Square

(sorf) Lady in office gear asked me which side of the road she should take the bus from if she's going to Mediacorp and nurseries. There was an insane cab queue.

Do angmohs like ginger?

Date: 9 Dec 2006
Time: 1620 hrs
Place: Centrepoint

(both) We're in Cold Storage at Centrepoint when we were approached by an old lady who was looking for young preserved ginger (for eating with century egg porridge). She was directed to row 4 by the staff but she couldn't find it. We helped her scan the shelves and I managed to spot it. She thanked us and remarked that young people have sharper eyes, though sorf said that I had sharper eyes than her because I spotted it but she couldn't. And we told her that this place was rather "angmoh".

waiting for mom

Date: 18 Nov 2006
Time: 1018 hrs
Place: Dhoby Ghaut MRT

(sorf) Sitting at Dhoby waiting for mom and 2 guys from China asked for directions!

Sumimasen

Date: 19 Oct 2006
Time: 2109 hrs
Place: Tokyo

(both) We are in the Tokyo Subway walking from the Hanzomon line to the Marunochi line, looking for the exit to the Marunochi line, and I was looking lost while trying to figure out this pacer gadget and counting my steps, when this middle-aged guy wearing a beige jacket, comes up to us from behind, and asks us something in rapid Japanese. (Our best guess is that he was asking where the Akasaka line.) I said, "er... I don't speak Japanese" and he went to ask one of the station attendants.

Wi-Mac

Date: 27 Sep 2006
Time: 1531 hrs
Place: MacCafe at Great World City

(sorf) Someone just asked if I can be connected to the internet.

Lock on your soul

Date: 30 Aug 2006
Time: 0800 hrs (approx)
Place: Incheon Airport, Seoul

(sorf) I had just landed and I collected a cart for my baggage and was waiting at the conveyor belt. I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked around to see a 50-ish Korean lady in a very colourful outfit spoke a stream of Korean at me. It turns out she couldn't figure out how to pull out a trolley from the line of trolleys by pressing down on the handle and so I had to yank one out for her.

Car-ma

Date: 27 Aug 2006
Time: 1016 hrs
Place: near home

(sorf) Happened to borrow my sister's car. It's a bloody weirdo magnet. Some weird monk came up to me downstairs to wish me "Amitofo"

Pick me up

Date: 23 Aug 2006
Time: 1551 hrs
Place: NTUC

(sorf) Some dude from South Africa just tried to pick me up at NTUC!

Tagalog chat-a-lot

Date: 12 Aug 2006
Time: 1536 hrs
Place: Cathay

(both) Sorf had just come out of her hair appointment and these two Filipino ladies, in their forties, one with a black sleeveless top, came straight up to us and asked "Where is the Plaza Sing?", and then we told her where it was and then she told us that she was looking for "a SIM card" and she was "walking round and round" and could not find one. I told her that on the first floor that she could try the Starhub shop.

Circle Line will kill them

Date: 12 Aug 2006
Time: 1415 hrs
Place: Dhoby Ghaut MRT

I'm walking towards the escalator that goes to Plaza Singapura when some Chinese man, wearing white t-shirt, black pans, spectacles and ruffled hair, probably Singaporean, walked up to my side and slightly behind me, and asked me how to go to Toa Payoh MRT. I told him to take the travellator to the other line and five stops up towards Jurong East.

Is the station really that confusing?

Enter the lost dragon

Date: 30 July 2006
Time: 1938 hrs
Place: road junction near National Library

(sorf) Waiting at the traffic lights outside Sunshine Plaza headed for the library when a young guy in a dragon print shirt and shorts, with his girlfriend, asked in Chinese where the train station was. Told him Bugis and he asked if it was very far. Said no, just 2 lights down, and on the left.

Queue cutter

Date: 27 Jul 2006
Time: 2157 hrs
Place: IKEA

(both) We're right at the cornermost cashier, waiting to pay for our purchases, when this middle-aged lady wearing printed pants rudely interrupts us from behind and asks if we would mind if she could pay for her scented candles first. The candles weren't very classy and to think that she travelled all the way down to IKEA just to buy these cheesy candles. We said no and she had to go back to the tail of the queue.

mm chee dou...

Date: 25 Jul 2006
Time: 2005 hrs
Plaace: Outside Novena Square

(sorf) A very harried looking bespectacled young woman outside Novena Square asked in Cantonese what road she was on.

Chemists that don't do chemistry

Date: 18 Jul 2006
Time: 1010 hrs
Place: Maxwell Market

I'm at Maxwell Market just having a nice coffee when an Australian lady, wearing a t-shirt with the word "DIOR" splashed over it, comes up to me and asked where the nearest chemist was. I told her to head over to Raffles City to look for the pharmacies there.

Dove

Date: 16 Jul 2006
Time: 1755 hrs
Place: NTUC Toa Payoh

I'm with my younger brother looking at the foldable table on offer and this man asks me from behind, in Hokkien, whether the Dove shampoo could be used for washing the body or washing the hair ("ji gei xi shui tao meng ah si shui xin gu eh?"). My younger brother told him that it was not for body washing. I think he had some problem with his eyes. He's probably a bachelor, quite dirty looking, carrying an umbrella.

It's a taxi queue!

Date: 11 Jul 2006
Time: 2115 hrs
Place: Paragon Shopping Centre

(sorf) Am loaded with groceries and too lazy to walk so I'm waiting for a taxi in the taxi queue. And I got asked by a filipino lady which is the taxi queue!

Hold your peace...

Date: 08 Jul 2006
Time: 1241 hrs
Place: Just outside Dhoby Ghaut MRT near Penang Road

(both) We had just come out of the exit and a lady in jeans skirt and red tank top came up from behind us and asked us, "Excuse me, where is Peace Centre?" I told her to go towards Selegie Road and she was hemming and hawing and asked, "oh it's the other side ah?" and I said yes and then she walked off. I think she wasn't very happy though.

Revolving door challenged

Date: 06 Jul 2006
Time: 1425 hrs
Place: The Factory

(sorf) Chubby woman in black blouse and pants at the revolving gate outside our office asked if she could get in. I told her she had to go to the main gate.

Woody Allen was right about Chinatown

Date: 05 Jul 2006
Time: 2141 hrs
Place: Dhoby Ghaut MRT

(both) We are getting on the train at Dhoby Ghaut when a voice asks us from behind, "Excuse me, does this go to Chinatown?" in some unplaceable European accent. He was a tall, Asian looking guy wearing jeans and blue shirt, with a Caucasian girlfriend wearing a purple skirt. There's a whole lot of people they could have asked and they chose to ask us. From behind. I told them no, they have to take the train from the other side, while sorf had blanked out.