Do you speak Ikea?

Date: 28 Dec 2006
Time: 1730 hrs
Place: Ikea Tampines

This new Ikea is turning out to be really popular and the queues at the restaurant are just amazing. I just stepped in to get some coffee and cake when a little girl wearing pink and a tartan skirt and pink Crocs asked if she could speak Chinese. It took me a while to understand that she meant if I could understand Chinese. I said I could and she then asked me, in Chinese, to help her reach for the cup that was on the rack. And as I reached for it the young Malay Ikea employee tipped it out and I passed it to her.

She should stay away from toe-eating escalators while wearing those pirated Crocs.

Nursing the media industry

Date: 18 Dec 2006
Time: 1827 hrs
Place: Novena Square

(sorf) Lady in office gear asked me which side of the road she should take the bus from if she's going to Mediacorp and nurseries. There was an insane cab queue.

Do angmohs like ginger?

Date: 9 Dec 2006
Time: 1620 hrs
Place: Centrepoint

(both) We're in Cold Storage at Centrepoint when we were approached by an old lady who was looking for young preserved ginger (for eating with century egg porridge). She was directed to row 4 by the staff but she couldn't find it. We helped her scan the shelves and I managed to spot it. She thanked us and remarked that young people have sharper eyes, though sorf said that I had sharper eyes than her because I spotted it but she couldn't. And we told her that this place was rather "angmoh".

waiting for mom

Date: 18 Nov 2006
Time: 1018 hrs
Place: Dhoby Ghaut MRT

(sorf) Sitting at Dhoby waiting for mom and 2 guys from China asked for directions!

Sumimasen

Date: 19 Oct 2006
Time: 2109 hrs
Place: Tokyo

(both) We are in the Tokyo Subway walking from the Hanzomon line to the Marunochi line, looking for the exit to the Marunochi line, and I was looking lost while trying to figure out this pacer gadget and counting my steps, when this middle-aged guy wearing a beige jacket, comes up to us from behind, and asks us something in rapid Japanese. (Our best guess is that he was asking where the Akasaka line.) I said, "er... I don't speak Japanese" and he went to ask one of the station attendants.

Wi-Mac

Date: 27 Sep 2006
Time: 1531 hrs
Place: MacCafe at Great World City

(sorf) Someone just asked if I can be connected to the internet.

Lock on your soul

Date: 30 Aug 2006
Time: 0800 hrs (approx)
Place: Incheon Airport, Seoul

(sorf) I had just landed and I collected a cart for my baggage and was waiting at the conveyor belt. I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked around to see a 50-ish Korean lady in a very colourful outfit spoke a stream of Korean at me. It turns out she couldn't figure out how to pull out a trolley from the line of trolleys by pressing down on the handle and so I had to yank one out for her.

Car-ma

Date: 27 Aug 2006
Time: 1016 hrs
Place: near home

(sorf) Happened to borrow my sister's car. It's a bloody weirdo magnet. Some weird monk came up to me downstairs to wish me "Amitofo"

Pick me up

Date: 23 Aug 2006
Time: 1551 hrs
Place: NTUC

(sorf) Some dude from South Africa just tried to pick me up at NTUC!

Tagalog chat-a-lot

Date: 12 Aug 2006
Time: 1536 hrs
Place: Cathay

(both) Sorf had just come out of her hair appointment and these two Filipino ladies, in their forties, one with a black sleeveless top, came straight up to us and asked "Where is the Plaza Sing?", and then we told her where it was and then she told us that she was looking for "a SIM card" and she was "walking round and round" and could not find one. I told her that on the first floor that she could try the Starhub shop.

Circle Line will kill them

Date: 12 Aug 2006
Time: 1415 hrs
Place: Dhoby Ghaut MRT

I'm walking towards the escalator that goes to Plaza Singapura when some Chinese man, wearing white t-shirt, black pans, spectacles and ruffled hair, probably Singaporean, walked up to my side and slightly behind me, and asked me how to go to Toa Payoh MRT. I told him to take the travellator to the other line and five stops up towards Jurong East.

Is the station really that confusing?

Enter the lost dragon

Date: 30 July 2006
Time: 1938 hrs
Place: road junction near National Library

(sorf) Waiting at the traffic lights outside Sunshine Plaza headed for the library when a young guy in a dragon print shirt and shorts, with his girlfriend, asked in Chinese where the train station was. Told him Bugis and he asked if it was very far. Said no, just 2 lights down, and on the left.

Queue cutter

Date: 27 Jul 2006
Time: 2157 hrs
Place: IKEA

(both) We're right at the cornermost cashier, waiting to pay for our purchases, when this middle-aged lady wearing printed pants rudely interrupts us from behind and asks if we would mind if she could pay for her scented candles first. The candles weren't very classy and to think that she travelled all the way down to IKEA just to buy these cheesy candles. We said no and she had to go back to the tail of the queue.

mm chee dou...

Date: 25 Jul 2006
Time: 2005 hrs
Plaace: Outside Novena Square

(sorf) A very harried looking bespectacled young woman outside Novena Square asked in Cantonese what road she was on.

Chemists that don't do chemistry

Date: 18 Jul 2006
Time: 1010 hrs
Place: Maxwell Market

I'm at Maxwell Market just having a nice coffee when an Australian lady, wearing a t-shirt with the word "DIOR" splashed over it, comes up to me and asked where the nearest chemist was. I told her to head over to Raffles City to look for the pharmacies there.

Dove

Date: 16 Jul 2006
Time: 1755 hrs
Place: NTUC Toa Payoh

I'm with my younger brother looking at the foldable table on offer and this man asks me from behind, in Hokkien, whether the Dove shampoo could be used for washing the body or washing the hair ("ji gei xi shui tao meng ah si shui xin gu eh?"). My younger brother told him that it was not for body washing. I think he had some problem with his eyes. He's probably a bachelor, quite dirty looking, carrying an umbrella.

It's a taxi queue!

Date: 11 Jul 2006
Time: 2115 hrs
Place: Paragon Shopping Centre

(sorf) Am loaded with groceries and too lazy to walk so I'm waiting for a taxi in the taxi queue. And I got asked by a filipino lady which is the taxi queue!

Hold your peace...

Date: 08 Jul 2006
Time: 1241 hrs
Place: Just outside Dhoby Ghaut MRT near Penang Road

(both) We had just come out of the exit and a lady in jeans skirt and red tank top came up from behind us and asked us, "Excuse me, where is Peace Centre?" I told her to go towards Selegie Road and she was hemming and hawing and asked, "oh it's the other side ah?" and I said yes and then she walked off. I think she wasn't very happy though.

Revolving door challenged

Date: 06 Jul 2006
Time: 1425 hrs
Place: The Factory

(sorf) Chubby woman in black blouse and pants at the revolving gate outside our office asked if she could get in. I told her she had to go to the main gate.

Woody Allen was right about Chinatown

Date: 05 Jul 2006
Time: 2141 hrs
Place: Dhoby Ghaut MRT

(both) We are getting on the train at Dhoby Ghaut when a voice asks us from behind, "Excuse me, does this go to Chinatown?" in some unplaceable European accent. He was a tall, Asian looking guy wearing jeans and blue shirt, with a Caucasian girlfriend wearing a purple skirt. There's a whole lot of people they could have asked and they chose to ask us. From behind. I told them no, they have to take the train from the other side, while sorf had blanked out.

Myanmar heart Mustafa

Date: 20 Jun 2006
Time: 1922 hrs
Place: near Mustafa

20-something Burmese man, wearing red shirt, bermudas, sandals asked, "Mustafa Plaza, Mustafa Market". He was looking to buy shoes. I walked with him from next to New Park Hotel towards Serangoon and showed him Mustafa Plaza and he walked into the driveway.

Walking with a racket

Date: 19 Jun 2006
Time: 1915 hrs
Place: Corner of Rangoon Road and Race Course Road

I'm waiting for a cab when a teenage boy carrying a red bag and tennis racket wanted to know which way to walk to Novena and asked me which direction to walk towards.

Senior Citizens un-fare

Date: 06 Jun 2006
Time: 1709 hrs
Place: near Queenstown MRT

I'm sitting at the busstop near the MRT, looking away at the road, when from behind me approached a nice 50 something year old lady in bright orange top, curly hair, black trousers with a foldable umbrella and red plastic bag. She was checking the senior citizen's fare chart on display at the busstop. She pointed to the part where it says that the senior citizen's concession fares are from 9am to the close of operations and asked why she was charged the full fare for the ride she just got off from. It turns out that she was taking bus number 970, which is an SMRT bus, with different times for the senior rates, and there was no senior concession from 4.30pm to 7pm. Satisfied with the explanation, she left.

Dye-dye must get there

Date: 30 May 2006
Time: 0921 hrs
Place: City Hall MRT

(sorf) At City Hall MRT plugged into my iPod, when a middle aged lady in jeans and a purple t-shirt, with a fading dye job showing all her grey roots, came up from behind me and asked me how to get to Bugis MRT.

TCC conflict

Date: 24 May 2006
Time: 1830 hrs
Place: Near the museum

(sorf) I was walking from the National Museum towards the Kopitiam, waiting at the traffic light, and this tall Indian man, about thirty-something, in long sleeved black shirt and black pants, actually came up behind me and politely asked where the nearest TCC was. Apparently he had arranged to meet an SMU person at who told him that the TCC is opposite SMU and near a 7-11. But there are two TCC's, one opposite SMU and not near a 7-11, while another is over at Nafa and near a 7-11. So I gave him both options, the one at Hotel Rendezvous, and the one at Nafa. Conflicting instructions from the SMU person!

Money changer changing trains

Date: 19 May 2006
Time: 1758 hrs
Place: Dhoby Ghaut MRT

Walking over to the north-south line near where they had placed a very annoying "interactive" projection-on-the-floor thing, and wearing headphones, when an Indian man, old skinny guy with sharp features wearing a yellow shirt and dark pants, slightly unkempt, carrying a small bag looks like those used to carry football boots (looks like he could be keeping the day's foreign currencies in it), asked me how to get to Little India station. Actually he just yelled "Little India!" I told him to take the escalator down and take one stop on the train on the left.

towgay conspiracy

Date: 6 May 2006
Time: 1856 hrs
Place: Bugis Cold Storage

(both) Here we are, doing our grocery shopping, minding our own business, when a short haired, middle aged Chinese woman, wearing a black and white striped top, came up to us and told us not to buy the root-less towgay, because they although they are clean because they are grown in water, there are chemicals added to inhibit the growth of roots, and those chemicals are harmful to the body. We bought it anyway, so dangerously we are, trading health for convenience. The assertive quality of her speech suggested that she possibly was a primary school teacher.

Where the streets have no name...

Date: 23 Apr 2006
Time: 0023 hrs
Place: Maxwell Road outside Maxwell Market

(both) We were waiting for a taxi, when from behind, without even an "excuse me", 2 chubby gay boys, one wearing white t-shirt and bermudas, another wearing orange t-shirt, carrying a map, asked us where's Tras Street (probably to get to some gay bar there). We were like, huh? Oriented them to the map and set them on their way... think they were from Hong Kong.

Stylus

Date: 17 Mar 2006
Time: 2347hrs
Place: Yishun MRT

Near the ATM I was in line about to withdraw money so I pulled out my PDA and was using it when a middle aged man with very short hair wearing a blue t-shirt and slippers asked me if he could borrow my pen. So I told him I had no pen, and he insisted that I had, pointing to my PDA stylus. I had to tell him that you couldn't write with it and I had to repeat myself a few times. Don't think I managed to really convince him in the end but he went to ask someone else for a pen. Wonder what important note he was writing... or maybe it was just 4D inspiration.

iPods are no defence

Date: 15 Mar 2006
Time: 1100 hrs
Place: Dhoby Ghaut MRT

(sorf) 50something lady in pink top and tailored skirt ran after me to ask for directions on how to get to Boon Keng station, in mandarin. I was plugged into iPod. She had to chase me and touch my elbow before i realised.

Mustafa attraction

Date: 12 Mar 2006
Time: 1544hrs
Place: Rangoon Road



(both) Waiting outside the Singapore Pools branch at Rangoon Road for a cab, and a 30ish man, who's got either a Thai or Japanese accent (we can't place it), carrying a backpack in shorts, and running shoes, asked us where "the Mustafa" was. Pointed him at the restaurant with the big green sign and told him it was just next to it. The guy walked over and he must have walked really fast because the next thing we knew we spotted him crossing the road over.

"In the next 5 minutes you will be rejected..."

Date: 25 Feb 2006
Time: 1307 hrs
Place: Bugis basement

Eating nasi lemak and nasi goreng near the Delifrance and minding our own business when some middle-aged Chinese man came straight to me and asked if I wanted my fortune read and immediately offered that I would make a lot of money in two years but this year I would have a lot of difficulty and that I should buy a talisman from him.

Susan?

Date: 16 Feb 2006
Time: 2000hrs
Place: Restaurant, near Raffles City

(sorf) Some woman at the next table thought I was someone named Susan. Moments later, they now recognise me by my real name. The woman was with an actress friend. She said my piece on Jack was spot-on.

"Honey I'm good with a hammer"

Date: 16 Feb 2006
Time: 1930hrs
Place: Royal Selangor

(sorf) Royal Selangor has a hilarious t-shirt that says "Honey I'm good with a hammer". Ran into extremely chatty salesman who didn't know that singles could buy HDB flats, and ended up explaining property rules to him.

iPods are no barrier

Date: 14 Feb 2006
Time: 1155hrs
Place: the office

(sorf) I'm busy as heck, plugged into iPod and surrounded by people but delivery guy asks me "Where is Patricia?" Adoi...

Lian's gotta eat

Date: 13 Feb 2006
Time: 1926hrs
Place: office

(sorf) Middle aged lian just accosted me unceremoniously outside lift with question "Can go to food center?" S'poreans really have no manners.

Skip to the loo

Date: 11 Feb 2006
Time: 2128 hrs
Place: Esplanade Theatre

A Chinese lady asked me in Mandarin, "Where's the toilet?"

While she was shopping...

Date: 8 Feb 2006
Time: 1604
Place: Paragon

(sorf) Elderly white guy laden with backpack laptop bag and his Chinese girlfriend's Isetan shopping just asked me if this is hotspot and if have to configure to use.

Shaheen fan

Date: 03 Feb 2006
Time: 1941 hrs
Place: Esplanade

(both) We're standing at the top of some stairs about to go into the concert hall at Esplanade and some Caucasian lady with a red shawl (walking by with some friends) comes up to sorf and tells her "I *love* your dress!"

The dress is a vintage Alfred Shaheen from the 60s, cream with bright pink butterflies. I have no idea how the colour stays so bright after so long. Sorf says it's because it's polyester.

"No success can compensate for failure in the home"

Date: 03 Feb 2006
Time: 1855 hrs
Place: Outside Suntec City

Kumar from Sri Lanka and his angmoh friend, wearing the standard Mormon attire (white shirt and black pants), were walking along the road between Suntec and Marina. They stood out from the mess that was the construction going on. At least they weren't pushy, just giving me a brochure and his name card, the back of which had location and times of church services (in Singapore there are 4 and one in JB) and the somewhat disturbing quote "No success can compensate for failure in the home" -- no attribution.

The front of the card: "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. www.lds.org.sg . Singapore mission office. 6735-6723. KUMAR. 6455-5124"

This is why you should have lunch with colleagues...

Date: 03 Feb 2006
Time: 1510 hrs
Place: Outside Maxwell Market

Some angmoh architect, wearing glasses and a coloured striped shirt and singlet and jeans, asked me where 1617 Duxton Hill is. Turns out that's where he works at and he got lost trying to get back after lunch. At first I pointed him to Ann Siang Hill, then realised that Duxton Hill was the other direction, and once he looked the right way he said that things were starting to look more familiar now.

Floor 6B? Isn't this stolen from Being John Malkovich?

Date: 31 Jan 2006
Time: 1400 hrs
Place: Plaza Singapura

(both) We're in the lift at Plaza Singapura, which inexplicably indicated that it was on floor "6B" when we were on the 5th floor, a lady asked us which floor is the cinema and we helped her press the "7" button.

kong si mi? part 2

Date: 15 Jan 2006
Time: 1409 hrs
Place: Hong Kong

(both) We're about to cross from Canton Road to Peking Road and this guy, with a shaven head, wearing a windbreaker, asked us something in Cantonese again, something about where to buy something, and he was with his girlfriend.

kong si mi?

Date: 12 Jan 2006
Time: 1431 hrs
Place: Hong Kong

(both) We're walking down Hollywood Road waiting to cross the street and we get asked directions by a young woman wearing an orange lined jacket. She must have assumed we were natives because she approached us from behind and just blabbered a long string of Cantonese, a language neither of us understand.

the bank with the key...

Date: 07 Jan 2006
Time: 2029 hrs
Place: Just outside Mustafa

We're going to do some late night shopping at Mustafa and just as we were going into the entrance a young Chinese man came up to me and asked me, in Mandarin, where the nearest ATM was. He looked very much like an ah-beng and spoke almost no English. He was very polite though. He told me the bank had to be "the one with the key", and I could understand that he meant the POSB because that's the shape of their logo. I told him to go down Kitchener Road and then turn left on Jalan Besar as there's a POSB branch there.

So perhaps there was some good in having those symbols for the government bodies shaped like what they were. Like the PUB symbol looking like a lightbulb, or the HDB logo looking like a house.

Black Eggs

Date: 07 Jan 2006
Time: 1139 hrs
Place: Mustafa supermarket

(both) We're at Mustafa and some black dude (probably from Africa) wearing a cap and an Argentina football jersey asked us how much eggs were.

$1.90 for ten.

just follow where the Chinese are heading?

Date: 05 Jan 2006
Time: 1532 hrs
Place: Dhoby Ghaut MRT

(sorf) Middle aged couple at Dhoby Ghaut MRT asked how to get to Chinatown.

(we get lots of questions at the Dhoby Ghaut interchange. evidently the place is just really badly designed, if after about three years of it being open that people still get lost and confused.)